From the brilliance of founder Dave McGee.
Hey everybody,
What a weekend. A furious practice on Saturday and then a real mean
party Saturday night, where I seem to remember drinking Goldschlager
straight from the bottle. Yes.
We also had a breakthrough in the attempt to find a team name. I
thought maybe I liked it so much that night because of the
aforementioned Goldschlager, but upon (somewhat) clear-headed reflection
the next morning, I still liked it. What is the name? Patience please,
let me set the stage.
There we were, at a boisterous and crowded party. Typical party
activities are underway. There's Jocelyn, trying to get her pants to
stay up. There's Mary Hunt, lip-synching to Pat Benetar. There's Amy,
wondering why there's garlic bread in the oven. There's Meg, with
feminine hygiene products affixed to her person. There's the
Goldschlager, and oh look there's me right next to it. What's Mark
Madsen's brother doing here? He's drinking, but isn't he Mormon? Oh
never mind.
As members of your team began to arrive and mingle, the house was
receiving nearly equal coverage of party-goers. Some were in the
kitchen, some were in the hallway, some were in the living room. There
was perhaps a higher concentration of traffic near the keg of tasty
cider, but no more than normal. But then an unusual phenomenon began to
take effect. It was eerie. It was creepy. The temperature in the room
suddenly dropped, and we could all see our breaths. Bubba started
seeing dead people. Whoops, sorry, wrong story.
No really, something really creepy started happening. As your teammates
assembled in the living room to partake in humble conversation, all
those people who were not members of our esteemed ultimate squad began
to leave the room. They crammed themselves into the kitchen, the
hallway, the pantry, even the backyard. Some had their reasons. Many
didn't. Before we knew it, we were alone in the living room, arguably
the most suitable of rooms for a party or festive gathering. It was
just us. Now and then, a non-member of our ultimate unit would
mistakenly step foot in the living room. An amusing antic would then
take place, as this lost sheep would try to reconcile its need to remain
casual with its frantic need to get the hell out of the room. He or she
might happen across a stray pretzel, and with posture suggesting "At
long last I have found that for which I have so desperately searched.
With this pretzel my work in this room is done, and I must now exeunt,
never to return," he or she would haul ass back to a safe zone, such as
the kitchen or hallway. Similar escapades would take place with other
random objects in the room, such as crackers, keys, peeps, or figurines
of small turtles. There was no disputing that your team had firmly and
decisively, albeit unintentionally, taken over the living room.
And it is this uncanny skill that shall serve as the inspiration for our
team name. The fact that this skill is still unbridled and is not under
the conscious control of any member of our team only makes it more
perfect. We don't know when or where it will happen. We only know that
it WILL happen. Other ultimate teams beware. For if a still
undetermined minimum number of your teammates get together, they will
CLEAR THE ROOM
It's a statement. It's a command. It's the way of life for outcasts
like you. Like the Incredible Hulk to our Bruce Banner, it will unleash
its menacing face at times when we might least expect it.
Unfortunately, with this uncanny skill will come drawbacks. People
won't understand it, and in general people fear what they do not
understand. We may be refused service at establishments such as
restaurants and salons, where, if we were to Clear The Room, their
businesses would suffer. It will be hard, but we cannot blame them.
They just do not understand. It is a sad world, but if we bond together
and face it as a team, we will succeed. In the end, we can only rely on
each other. We shall unite, and ultimate will never be the same again.
Take care, Clear The Room, and I'll see you on Thursday.
- Dave
<PS Snipped>
P.P.S. Objections to this team name must be filed with the Committee.
They will be dealt with in the order in which they are received.